Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I know you love me and want me to be my best. I know you will do anything for me. But I need to tell you how I feel about this new big word in my life: DIVORCE.
When you told me you were going to separate and divorce, you said you will both be my parents forever. I remember your words: “We will both be our best separately, yet we will always parent you together. You will always have both of our love.” You also made sure to tell me, “None of this is your fault.”
You said I could share my feelings with you about anything. Most of the time I don’t try, because I see you’re going through something huge. You’re so busy trying to figure things out that I don’t want to cause you more stress. But now I want to tell you how I feel, even if it’s a little scary.
I get a sick feeling in my stomach whenever I think about you and Daddy divorcing. It can come up anytime – at school, when kids talk about their plans, or what their parents are up to. At home, when one of you asks me about the other. The ache in my stomach is there like a stone, and it feels like it’s growing bigger and bigger.
Sometimes we have fun. You take me out to more places, like you’re trying to make things better. But inside, I’m still upset. Sometimes I just want to cry, or stay in my bed. Sometimes I act silly. It’s not easy. But I really am trying my best to make you proud and to help my siblings too.
Mostly I just want to be me. A kid! I want to catch frogs and fireflies and just be sometimes. I don’t want the word DIVORCE written all over me.
But things are so confusing now. At Mommy’s house I miss Daddy. At Daddy’s apartment I miss Mommy. I’m always on the move, schlepping my stuff back and forth. I get into trouble at school for missing homework, and my teachers are tired of the excuse that I left my things in the wrong house.
At times, I’m happy your marriage is over. You weren’t getting along, and you told me things would be better this way. You said, “We’ll have a happy divorce.” But it doesn’t feel very happy.
The court and money become a thing, and I often hear you both mutter under your breath. You don’t say mean things out loud to each other – you mostly speak through the lawyers – yet all the comments you make are quiet… but LOUD.
I know your goal was to work together to parent us. Is that still the case? You tell me I am your gold and riches. So can you let go of the money fights?
Every time you’re annoyed with each other, I feel I have to take sides. Should I be on Mommy’s team? Or Daddy’s? And that tears me apart. Which one of you am I supposed to amputate?
I’m your bond, the glue between the two of you. I don’t want to be in the middle, stuck between your bad feelings. That feels like war. Can’t we stop?
Let’s be a team. Team Divorce.
The two of you will continue being the rocks of my life, and I won’t have to choose. You’ll both give me the best you have, and we’ll build each other. You used to tell me, “Fake it till you make it!” Can we try that?
I would never want to hurt you. But me – well, I’m hurting inside. I hope you can hear what I’m saying. I pray that we can find a way to help all of us move forward and thrive.
With love,
A Child of Divorce
